Airport Confessions

•I roll my eyes at people when we have to take our shoes off. To relate.
•I make friends with the female octogenarians flying solo.
•I stare too long.
•I drink beer at any/every hour.
•I take advantage of the "add a shot for $3" deals.
•I realize I may have a problem.
•I judge everyone.
•I try to make old lady friends (did I mention this one? It's the deal talking now)
•I trust no one.
•I get scared.
•I cry reading the dust covers of books.
•I wonder why waitresses aren't nicer to me.
•I stop yelling at the tv screen.
•I fire the waitress at Rock Bottom.
•I roll my eyes at everyone.
•I stare at the girls who look way too good to be on a flight.
•I try to apply makeup in the bathroom.
•I get more beer (and deals).
•I cry.
•I roll my eyes.
•I cry.
•I book my next flight. Fun!


Ideas for my best friend/lawyer friend Ashley Butz

Here are some names for your Law Firm...                          

A Lady of the Law

Law Lady Law

Butz Biz, Tax Lawyering

Law? What is it good for? Absolutely Everything!

Sueing Butz! 

Lawson's Creek,  no Paceys Just Torts

Niping Law in the Butz

Crazy Sexy Cool Tax Law

Buuuutz I Don't Wanna Go to Jail

LAw LAw LAw LAw LAw LAw (in the tune of My Cherie Amour)

Taxation Without Butzerization is Tyranny

Arthur, Butz, and Guggenheim, Litigators of Law

I'm The Best/Coolest Lawyer In The World

Gloria Allred Aint' Got Shit On Me (said like Denzel in Training Day)

 

 

Egg on my face, chocolate unicorn head

 

So, I bumped m'noggin real bad. Got a huge noggin bump. If you do this too, here's what you do post-nogg flogg...

1. ice that shit for 30 mins

2. keep looking in the mirror

3. freak out about how you might get an audition and you look like a unicorn

4. read a blog with remedies

5. try the one with these steps...

        1. ice that shit for 3o mins

        2. rub egg whites on the bump

        3. let egg whites chill on your nogg for 15 mins

        4. put hershey chocolate on that shit for another 15

        5. done

6. stop freaking out because this worked. in the morning it looks "totally amazing" (quoted from blog)

*Also, this remedy is for babies but it works on older babies too

Wish List

Here is my wish list for when I'm sitting on my couch, thinking of things I want:

-Tiny Gherkin pickles

-congress to make moves that benefit everyone in the whole world, amen

-a manager (for all my millions, excuse me, grazzillions of projects)

-the beets in my fridge to wash themselves and cut themselves and juice themselves so i can drink them 

-my wishlist to come true

-the teleportation device i've been working on to work so i can see my family for dinner every night

-it to be tomorrow so i can shoot videos with Sofia

-a manager (i just got 48 new projects)

-parking tickets to be turned into currency

-everything in CB2 to be delivered to my house

-some people to simmer down

-some people to spice up

-510,000 more $0.02 residual checks to arrive

-an app for lie detection to be used mainly when people deny farts

-one of those machines that shows you what your hair would look like in different sytles

-happiness for everyone in the whole world ever, amen

-to go outside. bye